Pithecophobia

It was a couple years back- I was probably about 10 years old. We went to the Kruger Park (a tradition for my family growing up) and classic little kid, I wanted something sweet from the fridge. 

Don’t ask me why, but in this particular camp the fridges were outside.

So there I was, innocently looking through the fridge, minding my own business, when I turn around and there are about twenty vervet monkeys staring at me on the stoep. I stared at them for two seconds, not sure if they were going to mug me for my custard or not, when one started walking toward me. I knew if I didn’t run now, I would probably end up in a tree somewhere being braai’d by monkeys (okay maybe I have a bit of a wild imagination…).

I turned around to run back inside, when next thing I knew, I was staring at the ceiling and my nose hurt. Did I run into the glass door? I will neither confirm, nor deny, this allegation.

Years later, this experience still haunted me: I became excessively scared of vervet monkeys, which was insane because I always loved animals (except for snakes and hairy spiders, those things are creepy). 

When I was 13 and moved to Durban, Murphy’s Law happened and I moved to an area where these vervet monkeys literally roam free. No kidding, they actually run around and steal your fruit when you’re not paying attention.

I started running when I was about 15, and I remember my gran telling me how when monkeys want to fight, they flare their nostrils or teeth at each other. Of course, running in the area meant that I often had to run past groups of these monkeys. I cannot explain how scared I used to get: my chest literally used to close up and I was convinced they’d attack me if they saw my nostrils move or if they saw my teeth. Before you judge me for this, just know I’m pretty normal 90% of the time…
This fear meant that whenever I ran past the vervets, I would literally stop breathing: I would close my mouth and hold in my breath so my nostrils didn’t move. This is not a fun experience after you’ve run 5km on the Valley of a Thousand Hills. I think I almost passed out a few times, but at least I was never attacked by a monkey- so that’s some good news at least.

Looking back, this whole experience just showed me what an effect fear can have on your life. The number of times I didn’t take in some beautiful scenery (i.e. some good-looking male runners- uh, Grandpa, in case you’re reading this, I mean some good-looking plants) or actually could have caused some internal damage by not breathing, is seriously not something to be proud of.

It’s true, bad things happen and often fear roots from bad experiences. Maybe you had your heart broken, and now you’re scared of love; or maybe you were bullied and now you’re scared to open up to people. Maybe you were hurt by someone close to you, and now you’re scared to trust again; or maybe you failed a test/ exam and now you’re scared you won’t achieve some of your future goals.

Fear is a nasty thing that can result in anxiety, sadness or unnecessary worry. For example, did I really need to worry about the monkeys attacking me? Probably not. I mean my grandparents have been living here since the dark ages (hehe) and no monkey ever tried to bite them.

In fact, Matthew 6:34 says, ‘Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’
What I love about this is that it doesn’t shy away from the fact that bad things happen; each day has enough troubles- we just shouldn’t live in constant fear of the future because it will diminish present day happiness.

Fear is normal and we all experience it, but the moment you completely surrender that fear to God, is the moment you’ll experience freedom like never before. Surrender means to give up- that means you no longer hold onto it. I remember starting to pray whenever I ran past the monkeys, I’d literally just pray and ask God to help me not be scared anymore. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I was honestly terrified of these monkeys. But each time I prayed, the less scared I felt. Before I knew it, I could run past and even stop and sit with the vervets if I wanted to (I didn’t though, cause they usually ran away from me when I went near them… Not my fault they can’t handle my amazing personality and classic sense of humour).

Fear doesn’t have to stop you from living life. If your heart has been broken, sorry about that, but I promise there are plenty of fish in the sea and there is one fish that reallllllllly will be the best fishy ever when caught by you: think Finding Nemo but better. 

If you’ve been bullied, that’s terrible and unfair, but go speak to someone and see how you can move past it. Just because some people can be mean, doesn’t mean everyone will treat you like that. I used to be picked on in primary school because I had hairy arms (please don’t look at my arms now if you see me in person X-x). In the beginning I used to feel very self-conscious, but then I realised this is how God made me and while they’re all freezing in winter, I’ll be extra warm :D

If you’ve been hurt by someone close to you, I know that that can literally be a worse feeling than knocking your toe against the edge of a table. But just remember, no one is perfect and people make mistakes. It takes an unnatural strength to forgive, but like that saying goes, unforgiveness is like drinking poison- you only end up hurting yourself (I feel like I got this quote a bit wrong, but you get the idea :P ). Not every person in life will hurt you, so try give people a chance. Plus you’ve always got God (Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”)

If you’ve failed at something, just keep trying; and if you fail again- just remember life goes on. Life is so full of a variety of opportunities, and just because one didn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean that you can’t try at something else; maybe that something else will be something you end up enjoying even more.

Just remember to keep looking forward and to never stop being grateful for the good (and even bad) things in life. Fear doesn’t need to be feared. Tamara Mellon says it perfectly, “My motto is: feel the fear and do it anyway.”

Trust me, there’s nothing more freeing than actually  being able to breathe properly when I run again- so there’s my challenge: face that fear and turn it into something good instead.

P.S. Just some Bible verses I love:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

P.P.S. Pithecophobia is the fear of apes and monkeys :P