Undeserving

Undeserving.

"I am a mess up. I don't deserve the amazing boyfriend I have, I don't deserve the love that my family so unconditionally has for me. I don't deserve the constant support of my good friends and most of all: I don't deserve the amazing, wonderful Grace that our loving God so passionately pours out. "

How many times have you felt that way? As if everyone around you seems to be okay but inside you just feel broken, incomplete, and dare I say it, unworthy.

Well can I tell you something?

Now this is mind blowing so prepare yourself. 

OK, ready? 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Did you know even Jesus' closest followers, his apostles, felt unworthy at times?

"But when Simon Peter saw that, he fell down at Jesus' feet, saying, "Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man!" Luke 5:8

"For I am the least of the apostles, and not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God." 1 Corinthians 15:9 (this was Paul)

"As for me, I baptize you with water for repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, and I am not fit to remove His sandals; He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." Matthew 3:11 (John the Baptist)

Even a centurion, who would have been well-respected in those times, felt unworthy:

"But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed." Matthew 8:8

Now yes, it's true: we are not worthy of God's grace. We sin, we don't love and we tend to put Him on the side burner quite often in life, but do you know what? HE LOVES YOU ANYWAY.

I think we are far too hard on ourselves as people, and at the end of the day, it's not worth it. The world constantly throws hardship your way: we are forever surrounded by negativity, hardship, turmoil, brokenness and lies- so why make it worse by hating on yourself?  Especially when you have no reason for it?

If your amazing partner loves you, it's because he/she chooses to; it's THEIR decision so just accept it. If you have a family that loves you, instead of trying to deflect that love at every opportunity, appreciate it! You don't know how blessed you are to have a family, let alone one that loves you so much. There are people out there who do not have that blessing- imagine doing life without family support; seriously I think it must be so, so, so difficult.  Then your friends- again, they CHOOSE to be friends with you. Appreciate that as well because there are people who really do find making good, true friends a difficult thing to do.

Then with God:

Yes, we don’t deserve His grace; we mess up, we sin, we throw Him aside, but you know what? He loves you anyway. And I’m not just saying that. So often people feel they can’t go to God because they’re too “messed up” or maybe they believe they’re unworthy of God’s grace because they’ve done too much wrong, or sinned too much. Well let’s turn to the Bible, the place where we can fully experience God’s thoughts:

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4

“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Isaiah 49:16

“…whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” John 6:37

“God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are...” 1 Corinthians 1:28

This is only a handful of verses, but there are so many more that just show how passionately God loves us, despite our unworthiness. To Him, YOU are NOT unworthy. You are worth more than many sparrows, God personally numbered the hairs on your head; in other words, the way He chose to make you isn’t random. Something we spoke about in home group last night was just how God uses you the way He made you, you don’t suddenly have to make a complete turnaround! For example, one girl shared that she was quite shy and she always felt she had to be more outgoing in order to truly do God’s work and this was very difficult for her. However, she attended a church camp and got a prophesy about how God would use her, despite her shyness; in fact, that will be exactly how He uses her! 

If you’re very bubbly or very academic or very sporty or maybe just lazy (haha me every weekend and before every test!), God will use that to make His plan complete! Like the saying goes, God does call the equipped, He equips the called.
Just to add to that, God bought you at a price. Think about it: if you don’t want something, why would you buy it? It’s not like I’m going to walk into Spar and say, “Oh boy! I hate Brussel sprouts! Might as well spend my entire salary buying as much of it as I can though.” NO! :/ You buy what you want to buy. God wants you despite your insecurities, blemishes and sin. Yes, He wants you to be pure and righteous, but the great thing about God is that He is so willing to help you and support you. Honestly, He’s that Dad who sits on the sidelines with a big foam finger and sign saying “GO *NAME * GO!”
 Just look at Isaiah 41:10:

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

God will strengthen you and help you. He knows life is tough and that we don’t always have anything all together, but with the kind of love He has for us, He is more than willing to patiently support you on your earth journey. You are more valuable to Him than “the birds of the air”. Look at what good care He takes of them; He’ll take even better care of you, just allow Him to.

Then this verse I just LOVE:
“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4

You may feel unworthy, ugly, too fat, too thin, too indecisive, not good enough, broken or anything like that, but that is NOT how God sees you. When God looks at you, all He sees is this beautiful, amazing human being that is so, so precious and beloved to Him. The definition for precious is: “of great value; not to be wasted or treated carelessly.”
God sees great value in you, He doesn’t want your life to be wasted and He knows that you deserve to be treated with care, so don’t let other people put you down; you are honestly worth more than what society tells you.  In fact, you are worth so much that God will even give nations in exchange for YOUR life. Wow. 

You are engraved on the palms of His hands; and as far as I know, engravings are pretty permanent, just like His love for you. God will not drive you away, no matter how unworthy you believe you are. He is there, waiting. Literally, His arms are so open for you right now! He wants to heal your pain: Psalm 34:18 : “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Trust me, God will help you so much more than any Dr Phil, bottle of alcohol or happy pill ever could.

Lastly, even if you feel unworthy, know that God sees you with such love it outweighs the unworthiness. In fact, He even chooses the lowly and despised things of the world (1 Corinthians 1:28). Even some of the most world-changing disciples came from turbulent histories: killing Christians, lying, cheating, murdering and even then turning their backs on Jesus when He needed them most. If God was able to love them, surely He is able to love.

So stop being so hard on yourself. You DO deserve an amazing, incredible, wonderful and blessed life. Yes, it won’t always be easy and, yes, you will have difficulty but the key is you have to allow yourself to feel happy. If you keep focussing on the negatives about yourself, your whole outlook on the world will become negative, too. Just an idea someone wise once shared with me, write down some positive aspirations you have for yourself and just read them every morning before you start the day or whenever you feel down- just as a little reminder that you are, in actual fact, quite extraordinary.

As inspired by Matric English teacher, I thought it apt to end off with a Dr Zeuss quote:

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!