Feelin' Myself

I’m going to be completely honest here: as much as I’d like people to think I’m Superwoman- I’m really not. I make mistakes,  I say silly things, I’m not always as productive as I should be… but I’m only human and that’s okay, right?

I don’t like to admit this, but I’ve been a bit down the past month or so, and for those who know me, you’ll know I hate feeling sad and I honestly try my best to be positive and look for the silver lining in everything. But being overdramatic me, I got negative after getting my Accounting mark back and then let that negativity loose everywhere.

I started feeling like a failure, and then started noticing how I was messing up at everything else. I mean come on, I can’t even walk without hitting something, or make a semi-decent meal without setting something on fire. I used to think these were all cute little quirks that made me, me, but by feeding that one negative thought, I started a little negativity army.

The worst part? I started becoming so scared in any relationships with family or friends, that I’d mess that up; or I’d be so scared giving advice in case I made a situation worse (and you can ask my friends, I can be a pretty good Dr Phil when I want to be).

But then tonight I came to such an amazing realisation at church: Jesus is Lord over my life, which means He is in control and even when I mess up and make mistakes, it doesn’t mean that that’s the end of the world (you know, unless I accidentally release some sort of zombie virus).

I am not a failure and just because I laugh too loudly in quiet restaurants, or look at memes during lectures, doesn’t mean that I am any less amazing than God intended me to be; and that applies to you, too.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

You are a MASTERPIECE. That literally means that you are outstanding, that it took insane skill to make you.

Stop listening to other people or the media, you are so exceptionally awesome just as you are. Stop feeding your negative thoughts and feed the positive ones instead: trust me, it feels way better to nice to yourself and to actually like who you are.

I heard a sermon about how God took 7 days to make the world but 9 months to make you: that literally means you are more intricate and way more effort was put into you (this sounds a bit mean about the world but I hope my message comes through).

“ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

When you turn to God, your past no longer define you: your mistakes don’t make you. It’s okay to mess up, it’s okay to not always get 100% but it is not okay think badly about yourself when, at the end of the day, you were fearfully and wonderfully made!!!

Just some cool tips to be a bit more self-positive:

·       * Cut out negative talk- concentrate on your strengths, work on your weaknesses but don’t      focus too heavily on them.

·        * Constantly try to find something good in every situation- literally once I waited like 8 hours    at home affairs but there was such a hot guy a few people ahead of me and my eyes were    super grateful to be graced with that sight (haha)

·       * Speak positively about others

·       * Surround yourself with uplifting people

You are amazing! I hope you have a wonderful week ahead and remember that if Trump can be so confident with his hairstyle, then you can also be confident with your insecurities ;)

Hehe…

Pithecophobia

It was a couple years back- I was probably about 10 years old. We went to the Kruger Park (a tradition for my family growing up) and classic little kid, I wanted something sweet from the fridge. 

Don’t ask me why, but in this particular camp the fridges were outside.

So there I was, innocently looking through the fridge, minding my own business, when I turn around and there are about twenty vervet monkeys staring at me on the stoep. I stared at them for two seconds, not sure if they were going to mug me for my custard or not, when one started walking toward me. I knew if I didn’t run now, I would probably end up in a tree somewhere being braai’d by monkeys (okay maybe I have a bit of a wild imagination…).

I turned around to run back inside, when next thing I knew, I was staring at the ceiling and my nose hurt. Did I run into the glass door? I will neither confirm, nor deny, this allegation.

Years later, this experience still haunted me: I became excessively scared of vervet monkeys, which was insane because I always loved animals (except for snakes and hairy spiders, those things are creepy). 

When I was 13 and moved to Durban, Murphy’s Law happened and I moved to an area where these vervet monkeys literally roam free. No kidding, they actually run around and steal your fruit when you’re not paying attention.

I started running when I was about 15, and I remember my gran telling me how when monkeys want to fight, they flare their nostrils or teeth at each other. Of course, running in the area meant that I often had to run past groups of these monkeys. I cannot explain how scared I used to get: my chest literally used to close up and I was convinced they’d attack me if they saw my nostrils move or if they saw my teeth. Before you judge me for this, just know I’m pretty normal 90% of the time…
This fear meant that whenever I ran past the vervets, I would literally stop breathing: I would close my mouth and hold in my breath so my nostrils didn’t move. This is not a fun experience after you’ve run 5km on the Valley of a Thousand Hills. I think I almost passed out a few times, but at least I was never attacked by a monkey- so that’s some good news at least.

Looking back, this whole experience just showed me what an effect fear can have on your life. The number of times I didn’t take in some beautiful scenery (i.e. some good-looking male runners- uh, Grandpa, in case you’re reading this, I mean some good-looking plants) or actually could have caused some internal damage by not breathing, is seriously not something to be proud of.

It’s true, bad things happen and often fear roots from bad experiences. Maybe you had your heart broken, and now you’re scared of love; or maybe you were bullied and now you’re scared to open up to people. Maybe you were hurt by someone close to you, and now you’re scared to trust again; or maybe you failed a test/ exam and now you’re scared you won’t achieve some of your future goals.

Fear is a nasty thing that can result in anxiety, sadness or unnecessary worry. For example, did I really need to worry about the monkeys attacking me? Probably not. I mean my grandparents have been living here since the dark ages (hehe) and no monkey ever tried to bite them.

In fact, Matthew 6:34 says, ‘Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’
What I love about this is that it doesn’t shy away from the fact that bad things happen; each day has enough troubles- we just shouldn’t live in constant fear of the future because it will diminish present day happiness.

Fear is normal and we all experience it, but the moment you completely surrender that fear to God, is the moment you’ll experience freedom like never before. Surrender means to give up- that means you no longer hold onto it. I remember starting to pray whenever I ran past the monkeys, I’d literally just pray and ask God to help me not be scared anymore. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I was honestly terrified of these monkeys. But each time I prayed, the less scared I felt. Before I knew it, I could run past and even stop and sit with the vervets if I wanted to (I didn’t though, cause they usually ran away from me when I went near them… Not my fault they can’t handle my amazing personality and classic sense of humour).

Fear doesn’t have to stop you from living life. If your heart has been broken, sorry about that, but I promise there are plenty of fish in the sea and there is one fish that reallllllllly will be the best fishy ever when caught by you: think Finding Nemo but better. 

If you’ve been bullied, that’s terrible and unfair, but go speak to someone and see how you can move past it. Just because some people can be mean, doesn’t mean everyone will treat you like that. I used to be picked on in primary school because I had hairy arms (please don’t look at my arms now if you see me in person X-x). In the beginning I used to feel very self-conscious, but then I realised this is how God made me and while they’re all freezing in winter, I’ll be extra warm :D

If you’ve been hurt by someone close to you, I know that that can literally be a worse feeling than knocking your toe against the edge of a table. But just remember, no one is perfect and people make mistakes. It takes an unnatural strength to forgive, but like that saying goes, unforgiveness is like drinking poison- you only end up hurting yourself (I feel like I got this quote a bit wrong, but you get the idea :P ). Not every person in life will hurt you, so try give people a chance. Plus you’ve always got God (Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”)

If you’ve failed at something, just keep trying; and if you fail again- just remember life goes on. Life is so full of a variety of opportunities, and just because one didn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean that you can’t try at something else; maybe that something else will be something you end up enjoying even more.

Just remember to keep looking forward and to never stop being grateful for the good (and even bad) things in life. Fear doesn’t need to be feared. Tamara Mellon says it perfectly, “My motto is: feel the fear and do it anyway.”

Trust me, there’s nothing more freeing than actually  being able to breathe properly when I run again- so there’s my challenge: face that fear and turn it into something good instead.

P.S. Just some Bible verses I love:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

P.P.S. Pithecophobia is the fear of apes and monkeys :P

Rose-Tinted Glasses

There’s this saying that goes: 'to look at something (like the world or the past) through “rose-tinted glasses”'. My English teacher would kill me for using Wikipedia, but according to good ole’ Wiki, that means looking at something in a “positive” or “optimistic” way.

All too often I find that it’s easy to look at the past like this: it seems like we remember all the good bits and tend to forget the bad. Now normally I’m a very optimistic person and I don’t generally dwell on the negatives, but the older I get the more I realize how important those “negative” bits actually are. Not in the sense that we should put Sam Smith or Adele full blast on the radio while reading sad quotes and going through 5 million tissues and squashing a teddy-bear, but I mean more in the sense that we take notice of the negatives and really digest what we learnt from them.

Digest? Yup, that’s the right word. We should really take in and ingest these situations, deal with them, and then get rid of all the toxic stuff and absorb the nutrients. Phew, don’t know if that analogy was Shakespeare material or Jack Parow lyrics!

One of my favourite Bible verses, John 16:33, says "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
The Bible does not promise us an easy road, in fact, 1 Peter 4:12 says “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” The key phrase being “do not be surprised”.
We are going to go through hard times and times of testing, but like verse 13 says: “But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Okay, so now you’re probably wondering what that has to do with rose-tined glasses, right? Well if you weren’t, I bet you’re wondering that now ;)

I find too often in life when we look at the past, we remember the good and forget the bad, which means we often forget the lessons we learned and end up repeating the same mistakes. I am so guilty of this. Maybe you forget how easy it is to not guard your heart, so you end up hurting yourself or someone else because of that. Maybe you forget how overdoing work or exercise or something else that “seems” good can actually lead to a loss of relationships or negative shift in focus. Maybe you forget that not balancing social, work and spiritual life can cause unnecessary stress and feelings of sadness and loneliness. It’s all so easy to forget the bad feelings, and I’m not encouraging you to harbor on these bad feelings and obsess over them: NO.  Even Isaiah 43:18 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” I actually read a saying on a wall the other day that said “Forget the mistake, remember the lesson”.

When we dwell on these past mistakes, hardships or miserable feelings, we get stuck in a hole and don’t move on. Without moving on, you can’t discover new things or experience different things. The verse in Isaiah goes on to say, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
God is continually on the move, putting new things in your path to grow you as a person and to change your perception. However, we are so often stuck on things that happened in our past that we don’t even notice the new, beautiful world passing us by.

Think about it. Imagine you had a Starbucks coffee that you just didn’t enjoy, but instead of trying the coffee shop a little further down the road, you decided to stand outside the Starbucks window the whole day and complain to everyone passing by how gross that coffee was. Uhm okay Susan, take a seat please.

We limit ourselves in life. If you refuse to move on, then you will be stuck in the same annoying cycle. Yes, things won’t always work out and disappointment will come, but you’ll never know unless you try. I just want to emphasise that. I’m not sure if I can say this in a Christian-based blog (sorry God, next time I’ll be nice hehe), but I get so annoyed when people say they hate where they are in life or they’re so unhappy in what they’re doing, but then do nothing to change it. Look, I love you, but if you aren’t going to try look for other jobs or think creatively or ask advice and actually take it, then you’re putting a limit on your own situation. And no, I’m not naïve. Sometimes you can apply for 100 jobs or try 100 new things and it won’t work out, but God will see your perseverance and He will honour you for that. The key is to remember that He will honour you in HIS time and according to HIS purpose. Isaiah 55:8-9, ““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Romans 5:3-5 says, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Don’t give up. Please, that is my urge to you. No matter what you’ve been through or what is going on right now, remember what you’ve learnt and use that to help others or to deal better in a similar situation in the future.

You are so much more powerful than you think and if you really apply your mind and give the situation to God, I give you a money-back guarantee that it will work out in the best possible way for you. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, trust me, I know; but when you look back you will see how everything pieced together in just the perfect way.

Take 2 Corinthians 12:9 and keep it near you, because this is one for the books:

“But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

You’re amazing. You’ve got God and His power on your side. Tell the devil to “voetsek” and go live the life you were meant to live.

Amen.