It was a couple years back- I was probably about 10 years old.
We went to the Kruger Park (a tradition for my family growing up) and classic
little kid, I wanted something sweet from the fridge.
Don’t ask me why, but in
this particular camp the fridges were outside.
So there I was, innocently looking through the fridge,
minding my own business, when I turn around and there are about twenty vervet
monkeys staring at me on the stoep. I stared at them for two seconds, not sure
if they were going to mug me for my custard or not, when one started walking
toward me. I knew if I didn’t run now, I would probably end up in a tree
somewhere being braai’d by monkeys (okay maybe I have a bit of a wild
imagination…).
I turned around to run back inside, when next thing I knew,
I was staring at the ceiling and my nose hurt. Did I run into the glass door? I
will neither confirm, nor deny, this allegation.
Years later, this experience still haunted me: I became excessively scared of vervet monkeys, which was insane because I always loved animals
(except for snakes and hairy spiders, those things are creepy).
When I was 13
and moved to Durban, Murphy’s Law happened and I moved to an area where these
vervet monkeys literally roam free. No kidding, they actually run around and
steal your fruit when you’re not paying attention.
I started running when I was about 15, and I remember my
gran telling me how when monkeys want to fight, they flare their nostrils or
teeth at each other. Of course, running in the area meant that I often had to
run past groups of these monkeys. I cannot explain how scared I used to get: my
chest literally used to close up and I was convinced they’d attack me if they
saw my nostrils move or if they saw my teeth. Before you judge me for this,
just know I’m pretty normal 90% of the time…
This fear meant that whenever I ran past the vervets, I would literally stop breathing: I would close my mouth and hold in my breath so my nostrils didn’t move. This is not a fun experience after you’ve run 5km on the Valley of a Thousand Hills. I think I almost passed out a few times, but at least I was never attacked by a monkey- so that’s some good news at least.
This fear meant that whenever I ran past the vervets, I would literally stop breathing: I would close my mouth and hold in my breath so my nostrils didn’t move. This is not a fun experience after you’ve run 5km on the Valley of a Thousand Hills. I think I almost passed out a few times, but at least I was never attacked by a monkey- so that’s some good news at least.
Looking back, this whole experience just showed me what an
effect fear can have on your life. The number of times I didn’t take in some
beautiful scenery (i.e. some good-looking male runners- uh, Grandpa, in case
you’re reading this, I mean some good-looking plants) or actually could have
caused some internal damage by not breathing, is seriously not something to be
proud of.
It’s true, bad things happen and often fear roots from bad
experiences. Maybe you had your heart broken, and now you’re scared of love; or
maybe you were bullied and now you’re scared to open up to people. Maybe you
were hurt by someone close to you, and now you’re scared to trust again; or
maybe you failed a test/ exam and now you’re scared you won’t achieve some of
your future goals.
Fear is a nasty thing that can result in anxiety, sadness or
unnecessary worry. For example, did I really need to worry about the monkeys
attacking me? Probably not. I mean my grandparents have been living here since
the dark ages (hehe) and no monkey ever tried to bite them.
In fact, Matthew 6:34 says, ‘Therefore do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of
its own.’
What I love about this is that it doesn’t shy away from the fact that bad things happen; each day has enough troubles- we just shouldn’t live in constant fear of the future because it will diminish present day happiness.
What I love about this is that it doesn’t shy away from the fact that bad things happen; each day has enough troubles- we just shouldn’t live in constant fear of the future because it will diminish present day happiness.
Fear is normal and we all experience it, but the moment you
completely surrender that fear to God, is the moment you’ll experience freedom
like never before. Surrender means to give up- that means you no longer hold
onto it. I remember starting to pray whenever I ran past the monkeys, I’d
literally just pray and ask God to help me not be scared anymore. Maybe it
doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I was honestly terrified of these monkeys.
But each time I prayed, the less scared I felt. Before I knew it, I could run
past and even stop and sit with the vervets if I wanted to (I didn’t though,
cause they usually ran away from me when I went near them… Not my fault they
can’t handle my amazing personality and classic sense of humour).
Fear doesn’t have to stop you from living life. If your
heart has been broken, sorry about that, but I promise there are plenty of fish
in the sea and there is one fish that reallllllllly will be the best fishy ever
when caught by you: think Finding Nemo but better.
If you’ve been bullied, that’s terrible and unfair, but go speak to someone and see how you can move past it. Just because some people can be mean, doesn’t mean everyone will treat you like that. I used to be picked on in primary school because I had hairy arms (please don’t look at my arms now if you see me in person X-x). In the beginning I used to feel very self-conscious, but then I realised this is how God made me and while they’re all freezing in winter, I’ll be extra warm :D
If you’ve been hurt by someone close to you, I know that
that can literally be a worse feeling than knocking your toe against the edge
of a table. But just remember, no one is perfect and people make mistakes. It
takes an unnatural strength to forgive, but like that saying goes,
unforgiveness is like drinking poison- you only end up hurting yourself (I feel
like I got this quote a bit wrong, but you get the idea :P ). Not every person
in life will hurt you, so try give people a chance. Plus you’ve always got God
(Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither
angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate
us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”)
If you’ve failed at something, just keep trying; and if you
fail again- just remember life goes on. Life is so full of a variety of
opportunities, and just because one didn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean that
you can’t try at something else; maybe that something else will be something you
end up enjoying even more.
Just remember to keep looking forward and to never stop
being grateful for the good (and even bad) things in life. Fear doesn’t need to
be feared. Tamara Mellon says it perfectly, “My motto is: feel the fear and do
it anyway.”
Trust me, there’s nothing more freeing than actually being able to breathe properly when I run
again- so there’s my challenge: face that fear and turn it into something good
instead.
P.S. Just some Bible verses I love:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for
I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose
word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to
me?” Psalm 56:3-4
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you
nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that
He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares
for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
P.P.S. Pithecophobia is the fear of apes and monkeys :P